Mayonnaise

No, I'm not talking about the Smashing Pumpkins' song "Mayonnaise," although it's awesome in its own right. No, I'm talking about the real thing.



My sister claims to have witnessed our dad eating a late-night mixture of mayo and cottage cheese in a bowl, although this may be an urban legend. Regardless, I tell the story with great pride. Since I've been back in the South, I've heard no less than 5 people willingly admit "I love mayonnaise sandwiches." I couldn't agree more.

So I snooped around for some other uses of this sublimely-delectable condiment. It turns out that people are quite creative when it comes to their mayo:

Mayonnaise can be used as a natural hair conditioner. Massage a quantity of mayonnaise into your hair, much in the same way as a normal post-shampoo conditioner. Cover your head with a shower cap and allow the mayonnaise to remain on your hair for several minutes. Rinse thoroughly and the result should be shinier and softer hair.

Use mayonnaise as a facial cleanser. Apply a layer of mayonnaise as you would a deep cleansing facial soap. After 15 or 20 minutes, wipe off the mayonnaise and rinse your face thoroughly. The oils and salt of the mayonnaise will restore moisture and remove impurities.

In case of a sunburn emergency, apply cold mayonnaise to the affected area. The coolness of the mayo will reduce the pain and the oil will provide much-needed moisture.

Some physicians are now recommending the use of mayonnaise to combat head lice infections. Certain strains of head lice have become very resistant to the traditional chemical treatments, but leaving mayonnaise in the hair overnight with a shower cap will cause the lice to suffocate and die. Comb out any remaining nits with a fine tooth comb and repeat the process seven days later.

Lubricate stubborn rings with mayonnaise. If a ring becomes too tight to remove, try applying a generous amount of mayonnaise to the entire finger, especially under the ring itself. Mayonnaise is very slippery, so it should reduce the friction well enough to allow removal of the ring.

Remove bumper stickers and residue with mayonnaise. A layer of mayonnaise applied to the remnants of a bumper sticker should soften the paper and dissolve the glue after several minutes.

Strengthen your fingernails: To add some oomph to your fingernails, just plunge them into a bowl of mayonnaise every so often. Keep them bathed in the mayo for about 5 minutes and then wash with warm water.

Remove dead skin: Soften and remove dead skin from elbows and feet. Rub mayonnaise over the dry, rough tissue, leave it on for 10 minutes, and wipe it away with a damp cloth.